by Scott Benson
scott@patriotsdaily.com

In case you haven’t seen this yet, here’s Steve Serby of the New York Post claiming that Eric Mangini has a “strategy for slaying (the) dragon”, which turns out to be none other than Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots. Why a dragon? Why not a giant robot?

People, this is one of those most specialist of occasions for the denizens of the Internet; fresh chum in the water. It’s like a High Holiday of Ridicule.

Serby is a piece of work. Oddly, I think this damn thing is supposed to be about Kellen Clemens, the Jets backup QB. And it sort of is, except for several wild outbursts by Serby, who thinks he’s figured out how Mangini and the Jets are going to get by the Patriots.

The JETS ARE GOING TO RUN THE BALL. The JETS ARE GOING TO RUN THE BALL through and around our Patriots, and then they’re going to kill somebody and watch their head die or something. I frankly found that whole part disturbing. Anyway, the Pats are cooked; the JETS ARE GOING TO RUN THE BALL.

Innovative.

No mention in Serby’s column that New England was the league’s fifth best defense against the run in 06 (3.9 a carry). Also no mention that the Jets were 24th (4.6 a carry). Thomas Jones is no slouch (if he’s healthy after an injury suffered in a drill yesterday), but isn’t the real question on the other side of the ball for New York?

No matter. The real fun is in Serby’s shots at an allegedly wildeyed Belichick:

“Bill Belichick bestowed upon Tom Brady offseason gifts of Randy Moss, Dante Stallworth and Wes Welker. It underscored Belichick’s hunger and desperation to win that elusive fourth Super Bowl and sent tremors outside Weeb Ewbank Hall, where Jets fans cursed their fate.”

The man is desperate! Maybe not as desperate as an organization that hasn’t won a Super Bowl since 1968, but pretty desperate! There’s no telling what he will do:

“So maybe if Belichick hadn’t gambled on Moss – a player Mangini and GM Mike Tannenbaum would never add to their locker room – Tannenbaum would not have traded up in the first round to draft cornerback Darrelle Revis, whose debilitating holdout over a sixth year in his contract needs to be resolved ASAP.”

See what I mean? Desperate! Associating oneself with that sort of…….element. Imagine.

Never say never, Steve. Take my word for it. If Moss would have agreed to play for 3 million in New York (as opposed to New England, though he was due 10 million in Oakland), if he’d been as “star struck” by the Jets as he was the Patriots, the door to that locker room might have been left open a crack. And you’d be falling ass backward over youself trying to “get to know Randy.”

Greg Doyle of the crackhead Patriots Daily staff took something else from that same paragraph, so let’s re-run it again:

“So maybe if Belichick hadn’t gambled on Moss – a player Mangini and GM Mike Tannenbaum would never add to their locker room – Tannenbaum would not have traded up in the first round to draft cornerback Darrelle Revis, whose debilitating holdout over a sixth year in his contract needs to be resolved ASAP.”

I don’t know why we’re worried about their friggin’ running game when Mangini and Tannenbaum have access to a working time machine. They must, because how else would they known about Moss, who wasn’t traded until the day after Revis was picked? Come on, now. You can’t get that stuff by Doyle.

That whole idea is silly anyway. The Jets spend the fourteenth pick on a guy to defend a player that will more than likely be out of the division in 12 months?

Serby was confused throughout, which means he represents Jets fans perfectly. He gins up a dramatic story from Clemens, who learns a valuable ‘life lesson’ from sage Mangini:

Coach Mangini posed a question to Clemens: ‘Kellen, what are the records of Jacksonville, Kansas City and Denver?’

“He gave what he thought was the right answer. ‘They are all 7-5.’ And they were all 7-5, as were the Jets.

“The right answer is, ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Coach Mangini explained. ‘What matters is what WE do, how WE approach it, whether WE win our games and whether WE control the things WE can control.’”

True enough. But Serby writes an entire column that essentially says that the only thing that matters for the Jets is beating the Patriots, even while his already-sainted head coach (who, strangely, is quoted nowhere in the piece) is saying exactly the opposite. Steve must have been writing this column in a funhouse.

Which explains a lot.

Kellen Clemens has got to be like, “damn, I was going to cut this out and send it to my mom! He talks to me two hours and doesn’t mention me ’til the third paragraph? And what’s this Teddy Atlas bullshit? What’s wrong with this guy?”

Exactly, Kellen. This question you got exactly right.

In other news, Kyle Brady seems close to returning to practice, and the Herald’s John Tomase reports this morning that the undisclosed injury suffered by Ty Warren on Friday night is considered minor. Check all your headlines here. Daniel Malloy of the Globe has our Feature of the Day on Kevin Faulk, who had a strong start against Tampa.

Sadly, the Matt Kranchick Decade has come to a premature end. He was released yesterday, as the Patriots signed former Rolling Stones guitarist Brian Jones. Take that, Bronson Arroyo and Dr. Charles! I honestly thought Jones was dead – wasn’t there something with a swimming pool? Shows you what I know. Turns out he’s been playing tight end in the NFL since 2004. How do the Stones do it? They never get old!

You can’t always get what you want. Except here, in the comments section.